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Saturday, December 1, 2012

December Dilemma

        As we enter the month of December, I am faced with a painfully familiar dilemma. Buy into the 'Happy Holidays' crap, or take another route. Care to take a guess which one its going to be?

       Sometimes it's necessary to do things you don't really want to. Usually in order to make others happy or avoid conflict, and unless you're a complete ass you're going to come upon times when you have to put others before yourself. For some people it's not a matter of having to, you want to, or its just how you are, and if that's the case, Bravo for you! Get yourself a cookie, you deserve it.

       It is (generally) best to not be an ass, and try not to completely offend people (at least if you're not doing it in a funny way) otherwise you risk becoming 'Persona Non Grata'. Welcome to the real world, losers, you don't actually get to address every one as 'losers'. Go figure. However, there comes a point, when we cross the line of not being a douche, to being politically correct. The former is necessary (most of the time) in order to live in civilized society, the latter is part of what's wrong with the world. It's the differences between not using the 'C' and 'N' words or parking in a handicapped spot when you're not handicapped, and saying "Happy Holidays" because you don't want to offend anyone. NEWS FLASH: the world is offensive, LIFE is offensive. November through January are no exception.

       The point of this is, I will not be saying 'Happy Holidays', fuck that noise. Most of my friends and family are Christian, or at least, celebrate Christmas, so to them I will say, "Merry Christmas" to my Jewish folk I will say "Happy Hanukkah". If I see someone out in public wearing a blinking LED sweater with a fucking Santa Clause on it, I'm going to use my observation and sherlocky investigative skills to figure out that they probably celebrate Christmas. Want to guess what I'm going to say?
"Oh, you have to say 'Happy Holidays', because we don't want to offend anyone"

     You know whats offensive? The assumption that I (and the majority of non-losers) are such  mamby-pamby cry Babies and so insecure in our faith (or lack there there of) that we will be offended if some random guy in a Dashiki says 'Joyous Kwanzaa' instead of 'Happy Holidays'. Do you know what I would say? "I'm sure it is.That is a lovely Dashiki you have there" and then maybe we would talk about the weather. Since, chances are, we're both human beings. I would personally be thrilled that someone wants to say something positive to me.

      I would rather stand on the street corner and yell at random people "Fuck you, sir or madame, I can't tell which, fuck you in your soul!" than be forced by some twisted sense of social obligation to not offend people. 'Happy Holidays' is offensive, and no, I will not call your dog a "Canine American". People are ridiculous. I hereby take a vow to not say 'Happy Holidays' or refer to December as the 'Holiday Season' I would much sooner say "Have a dandy December".

      I'm not refusing to say 'Happy Holidays' just to be pissy, although I'll admit its a bonus. I'm doing this because my grandparents grew up saying 'Merry Christmas' and no body fucking died from it. If you get all offended as a Christian because someone says "Happy Hanukkah!" to you, or as a Jew because someone says "Merry Christmas!", or as a whitie because a black person says "Joyous Kwanzaa!" you need to get over yourself. There are starving people all over the world, including in your own fucking neighborhood. There are people with cancer. People who are killed for what they believe in. In parts of Africa it is now an offense punishable by death to be homosexual, with all that going on in the world, (not to mention the countless other things) it is super pathetic for someone to get upset or pissy because someone else wants to say something positive to them. 
That's offensive.