The day before, after making four loafs of Fucking Amazing Challah (which is what I'm calling it now), I curled up in my bed, side ways, (I can do that, being so short) and started watching stuff On Demand. After about four Thanksgiving themed episodes I found myself horrified of what was to come, in need of zanex, and pissed that I'm allergic to benzos so I can't take zanex.
The next day I walked through Grandma's door very carefully, aware that I could at any moment be assaulted with unwelcome, and completely inappropriate questions. The family was spilt in two this year and I was the only single person of breeding age. I was prepared for "soooo, do you have a boyfriend" in that high pitched voice indicating that you don't have enough fulfilment in your own life so you have to nose into mine, I would have responded with a cool "yes, but his wife doesn't know", deadpan...Wouldn't that have been fantastic? I think so. (Let's be clear, I'm not dating a married man. Not cool.) But, alas, everything was quiet, maybe my 19 years of not answering any questions seriously finally payed off. I was left alone. I was relieved, and it was super pleasant and my love/sex life didn't come up once!
This year I'm grateful for many things, but to help narrow it down, here's a list, with just some of the things...
- The Men and Women in our armed forces who spent their Thanksgiving in Iraq and Afghanistan
- That there is no alcohol at my family's get-togethers
- That I will never have to say "President Romney"
- Spanx
- Gay men
- Semi-Automatic Weapons
- Rope
- Bleach
- Unicorns
- Glitter
- Benadryl
- That my dog has never once eaten a dictionary
- Heat
- Burt's Bees
- Babies
- My family, even though they're nuts
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