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Monday, November 26, 2012

Thanksgiving

          It is now November 26th and I feel that I have recovered from thanksgiving, both the pie and the family interaction. Also, at 11:30 Thanksgiving night I was attacked by a freak sinus infection.

       The day before, after making four loafs of Fucking Amazing Challah (which is what I'm calling it now), I curled up in my bed, side ways, (I can do that, being so short) and started watching stuff On Demand. After about four Thanksgiving themed episodes I found myself horrified of what was to come, in need of zanex, and pissed that I'm allergic to benzos so I can't take zanex.

       The next day I walked through Grandma's door very carefully, aware that I could at any moment be assaulted with unwelcome, and completely inappropriate questions. The family was spilt in two this year and I was the only single person of breeding age. I was prepared for "soooo, do you have a boyfriend" in that high pitched voice indicating that you don't have enough fulfilment in your own life so you have to nose into mine, I would have responded with a cool "yes, but his wife doesn't know", deadpan...Wouldn't that have been fantastic? I think so. (Let's be clear, I'm not dating a married man. Not cool.) But, alas, everything was quiet, maybe my 19 years of not answering any questions seriously finally payed off. I was left alone. I was relieved, and it was super pleasant and my love/sex life didn't come up once!

This year I'm grateful for many things, but to help narrow it down, here's a list, with just some of the things...

  • The Men and Women in our armed forces who spent their Thanksgiving in Iraq and Afghanistan
  • That there is no alcohol at my family's get-togethers
  • That I will never have to say "President Romney"
  • Spanx
  • Gay men
  • Semi-Automatic Weapons
  • Rope
  • Bleach
  • Unicorns
  • Glitter
  • Benadryl
  • That my dog has never once eaten a dictionary
  • Heat
  • Burt's Bees
  • Babies
  • My family, even though they're nuts

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